Newborn sleep: 7 common mistakes new parents make

Newborn sleep: It’s one of the three main things you think about when you have a baby. (There’s sleep, there’s feedings, and there’s basic hygiene, as in, “How many days ago did I shower? Can I wear a sweatshirt with crusted spit-up on it to the paediatrician’s office? Answer: Yes.)

As you’re getting to know your newborn’s sleep needs and ever-changing patterns and rhythms—and adjusting to the new-parent sleep deprivation—you might feel overwhelmed by all the competing baby sleep philosophies in books and on blogs, the endless dos and don’ts, contradictory rules and scary safety warnings. Meanwhile, you’re still wondering how the heck to get your adorable little creature to sleep through the night. There are many ways to do it—it’s up to you to figure out what works—but there are some things you should avoid altogether. Here are seven common baby sleep mistakes you may be making.

1. Don’t assume the mellow, sleepy newborn phase will last forever.

We hate to break it to you, but your dozy, peaceful infant who simply falls asleep, milk-drunk, after a feeding may not always be this way. The first few weeks (or even months) are not always indicative of the kind of sleeper you happened to score in the newborn sleep lottery. Some babies randomly sleep through the night early on (congratulations!) but it doesn’t mean this will continue indefinitely. Have you weathered the four-month sleep regression yet? Yeah, you might want to read up on that. (Sorry.) And even though nursing to sleep or rocking to sleep before naps and bedtime might be working for you now, know that sometimes IT JUST STOPS WORKING. If you’re one of the lucky parents with a “unicorn baby” (this means your baby is sleeping well without much effort on your part), try not to gloat. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re doing it right, while that other mom with the colicky, sleepless baby hasn’t figured it out. Believe us, she’s trying.

2. Sleeping on the couch with a newborn in your arms is really dangerous.

We get it, falling asleep on the sofa with an infant curled up on your chest is one of the best feelings in the world. Many an exhausted new mom has nodded off for a bit while her sleeping baby is sprawled across her lap or nestled up all warm and cozy on a breastfeeding pillow. But according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), this kind of co-sleeping—on a couch or armchair—is a serious newborn sleep mistake. It’s way more dangerous than co-sleeping in a bed, due to the risk of dropping or smothering the baby. If you’re going to nap or sleep with your infant—doctors say not to, but they know many parents do it—opt for bed-sharing (and do it as safely as possible, with no blankets or pillows in the bed).

3. Don’t let your newborn sleep in the car seat.

This is a contentious one, because we’ve all been there: Your baby conks out in the car seat while you’re driving home or running errands, and the beauty of the bucket seat is that you can pop it out and transfer your sleeping infant inside for the remainder of her nap. But according to the AAP, allowing an infant to sleep in a bucket car seat that’s been placed on the floor or clicked into a stroller is a safety hazard, as the baby’s head can fall forward and cause something called positional asphyxiation. Due to the angle of the seat design, it’s much safer to let your newborn nap in the car seat while it’s attached to the base and installed in the car. Letting your baby sleep in a car seat overnight when you’re not awake enough to check on her is a serious baby sleep mistake. In fact, experts actually recommend limiting the time your baby spends in a car seat, bouncer or swing to 30 minutes, mostly for developmental reasons (it restricts motion) and the risk of developing positional plagiocephaly (aka flattened head syndrome). However, we’d like to acknowledge that this 30-minute maximum is downright impossible on road trips, for parents who have long work or daycare commutes, or when the swing is truly the only place you can get your infant to nap. We’d love to see more research on this recommendation.

4. Don’t buy those cute crib bumper sets you see on Instagram.

This one’s pretty easy to follow: Don’t use crib bumpers. They’ve actually been banned in the US, after years of doctors lobbying against them. Yes, some babies flail around a lot in their sleep, especially when they’re on the verge of learning to roll, crawl or walk. But they’re unlikely to seriously injure themselves by bumping their heads on a crib rail. While those “breathable” mesh bumpers do a good job of keeping soothers (and little hands and feet) from poking out of the crib slats, they are also not recommended due to the risk of entanglement and strangulation. (Also, word to the wise: older, more mobile babies can stand on bumpers and use them as a step when they’re trying to monkey their way of the crib.) And while we’re at it, you shouldn’t use a DockATot or “infant lounger” for unsupervised sleep inside (or outside) the crib, either. They’re technically no longer available in Canada, but similar products are still on the market.

5. Don’t put off sleep training because the baby is teething.

Newsflash: Your baby is always teething. Or sick with a cold. Or coming down with something. Or recovering from something. Or over-tired. Or suffering from Unexplained Fussy Baby Syndrome. (OK, we made that one up. But it’s kinda true.) If you intend to sleep train, it’s important to know that it may never feel like the right time. Experts say it’s easiest to sleep train a baby between the ages of six and 12 months, but use your judgment and listen to your gut. If you’re not fully committed to sleep training before you start, you won’t stick to it.

6. Don’t room-share beyond six months if it’s not working for you.

This is a tricky one. Experts have gone back and forth about how long a baby should share a bedroom with their parents. Most recently, in the summer of 2022, the AAP recommended room-sharing for at least six months, but ideally a full year.

But let’s be real: Many parents’ bedrooms only fit a bassinet (not a full crib), and most babies outgrow the bassinet (or start rolling or pulling up on the sides) by month four, five or six. Some babies will wake up in the night more frequently if they hear or smell their parents nearby and will sleep more soundly in their own room. It’s also pretty hard to teach independent sleep or do the cry-it-out method of sleep training if your baby is right next to you.

And let’s not discount mom and dad’s sleep. Many parents say they don’t sleep as well when their baby is in their room, because they wake up with every little grunt, snore or fart the baby makes.

If room-sharing is working for you, great—but don’t feel pressured into it beyond six months.

7. Don’t let a high-tech baby monitor make you feel over-confident (or overly anxious).

Baby monitors are super useful, but they’re no substitute for avoiding baby sleep mistakes. If you hear your baby stirring, a quick peek at a video monitor can tell you if it’s a full-fledged wakeup, or just some nothing-to-see-here squirming. Sometimes you can get back to your Netflix without opening the nursery door, or quickly pop a paci back in before the situation escalates. But some parents are taking the high-tech baby monitor trend to the extreme, buying wearable vital-sign devices that measure an infant’s heart rate and oxygen saturation levels. The AAP advises against using these kinds of cardiorespiratory monitors, as well as the sensors that go under the baby’s mattress, because they can cause false alarms, which make parents anxious and lead to unnecessary ER visits and tests. They can also make parents less focussed on safe sleep practices because they believe the device will alert them to any and all problems.  You still need to follow safe sleep guidelines: always put your baby into the crib on their back (not their side or her tummy); keep blankets and pillows out of the crib; and stop swaddling once your baby has learned how to roll.

This article was originally published in January 2017 and has since been updated.

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8 fun games to play with your baby

In the early weeks, enjoying your newborn consists mostly of gazing at her while she sleeps or nurses (since that’s what she spends almost all of her time doing!). But before long, she becomes more wakeful and interested in the world around her—and you’ve got some entertaining to do. “Babies need a variety of experiences,” explains Jan Blaxall, an early years specialist and trainer in London, Ont. “And the key ingredient in their play is one-on-one attention from you.” Here are some fun ideas to get you started with baby games.

1. Splish, splash

Water has such a joyful, relaxing effect on children — feel free to take advantage any time of the day. Your baby can go right in the tub (with you, if you’d like!) as you use your hands, sponges and funnels to splash water on different parts of his body. When your baby can sit up, spread a vinyl tablecloth on the floor and set out a shallow pan of water with lots of cups, sponges, spoons and maybe his own baby to wash. (Even with small amounts of water, never leave your child unattended during water play—not even for a second.)

2. Shake, rattle and roll

Fill empty water bottles with interesting things — rice, buttons, Jell-O, water mixed with liquid soap, food colouring or oil. (Be sure lids are tightly secured with packing tape and that your child can’t chew through the bottle.) Crawlers will love chasing after a two-litre pop bottle half-filled with coloured water, as it rolls along the floor.

3. Outdoor adventures

Some days it may seem like a lot of effort just to get outside, but don’t underestimate the positive effect a little fresh air has on your baby—and you. “When you get out of the house, you stop thinking about all the jobs that need to be done, and become more attuned to your baby,” Blaxall says. Lift your baby out of the stroller, pull a leaf off a tree and let him feel it. Put his hand on the tree trunk. If the area is clean, put him on the grass and let him feel around. Doing this gives babies a sense of what their world is made of, instead of just what they see, Blaxall explains. Provide narration for your days, naming the things you see and hear (“Oh look, there’s a car. Vroom, vroom!”) so your baby starts to pick up words and connect them to objects.

4. Rock and roll

Your big exercise ball doesn’t have to collect dust until you get back into workout mode. Use the ball for all your baby’s stages — it’s a soft, bouncy place for you to sit while holding her (you get a little light ab work at the same time). Or use the ball for your baby’s tummy time. Hold her securely on top of the ball with both your hands and roll her very slightly in different directions. Once your baby’s on the move, she’ll love pushing this huge ball around on the floor and chasing after it.

5. Peekaboo 2.0

Covering your face with your hands, then letting go with an enthusiastic “Peekaboo!” will entertain baby well into her toddler years. Babies love to be surprised as they learn that things they can’t see still exist, so shake up your baby games by ducking down and reappearing with a hat on, or a funny face. Cover a toy with a blanket and ask your baby, “Where’d it go?” Crawlers will adore early games of hide-and-seek, with you popping out from unexpected places as they explore hallways and bedrooms.

6. High (chair) art

Once your baby can sit comfortably in her high chair, try placing safe, edible play materials on her tray (not that she should eat them, but if some gets in her mouth, it’s OK!). Let her explore homemade fingerpaint, or playdough made with ingredients from your cupboard, or simply put blobs of thick pudding or Jell-O on the tray so she can slide her hands around in mess-making bliss.

7. Tuesday a.m. dance party

Who says that babies only need lullabies and Mozart? Shake up your musical menu and have a little dance party à deux. “Different beats, different jargon, different flavours of music all stimulate different parts of the brain,” as well as helping your baby develop language and social skills, Blaxall explains. Besides, it’s fun! And whether it’s a rattle or a margarine tub-turned-drum, have instruments on hand so you can both take active roles in the fun.

8. Under cover

Fort fun starts young! Put a big blanket over a table and sit underneath with your young baby on your lap and a few special toys for a new perspective on the world. Roll a ball out of your fort, and then find out where it went. “Even young babies can’t just sit all the time,” Blaxall says. “Change up their position — on their tummy, upright in your arms, on your lap, over your shoulder, facing outward.” As your child grows, let him crawl up on piles of pillows, and create paths and tunnels with big boxes and couch cushions.

To make the fun even more meaningful for your little one:

Show her you’re impressed

Your baby reaches for the toy you’re holding slightly above her. She swings her fist, grabs for it and — hurray! — she makes contact. Naturally, you lavish her with praise. And new research shows that your enthusiasm is doing more than just bringing a smile to her face. “Babies need that social cheering section, people noticing and getting excited about what they’re doing. It’s wiring the brain for both relationships and learning,” Blaxall says.

Take turns

Whether it’s shaking a rattle (try doing it fast one time, slow the next) or talking about your day, give your child time to respond or imitate the action back to you. By doing so, you’re creating the sense of a meaningful partnership, according to Blaxall, where the child gets to be the leader and the follower.

Mix it up

“The best baby activities are multidimensional,” explains Blaxall. “Engage lots of senses — play music and have interesting things to touch and explore, and combine that with movement and with language.”

When to take a break

You want to excite babies enough with baby games to rev their engines, but not overwhelm them — so it’s important to recognize the cues that they’re not keen on your game of choice, or have had enough. “Babies who are overstimulated either shut their eyes or look away,” says Blaxall. Your baby will resort to crying if you miss that important sign. The key is to be fully engaged in the play, making lots of eye contact so you’re aware of your baby’s changing reactions.

This story was originally published in September 2010.

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All I see in these selfies is my postpartum hair loss

I recently went through my phone to delete old photos, which is something I do every few weeks now since apparently hanging onto 11,357 live images of my children uses up so much storage space that I can no longer receive texts or phone calls⁠—or, more importantly, take 300 photos of my children at the trampoline park.

This time I decided to do a deep dive of my selfies, figuring I could do without a few hundred pics of myself working with my kids in the background, or showing my sister that weird patch of eczema I get under my eye or trying to determine if my new “mom jeans” are trendy or a crime against humanity (or both?).

But as I scrolled through pics I’d taken of myself all the way back to 2020, I noticed something…unsettling.

I was missing some hair. A bunch of it. In fact, if I’m being perfectly honest, from about April 2020—six weeks after my second son was born—to Christmas that year, I had a receding hairline not dissimilar to that of former teen heartthrob and current middle-aged dad Prince William. And in the exact same way I had been shocked by William’s transformation, the hair loss (and subsequent awkward regrowth) snuck up on me so gradually, and during such a chaotic time, that I didn’t pay much attention.

Photos: Courtesy of Natalie Stechyson

Parenthood: It’ll suck the youth right out of you. Wills knows what I’m talking about.

Postpartum hair loss, also known as postpartum telogen effluvium, is the shedding of hair after pregnancy and giving birth due to changes in hormone levels. It is normal (albeit shitty) and usually temporary. For many, the hair loss is minor. But for some, it can be moderate or severe (enough that some people choose to wear a wig).

After my first son was born in 2016, I remember being appalled by my shedding strands, receding hairline, extreme part and wee bald spot. So I knew what to expect with my second, and enjoyed every moment of my luxurious pregnancy hair while I still had it.

But barely three weeks after I birthed Ben, coronavirus was declared a global pandemic and forced the world into its first lockdown. And I guess I was just too busy keeping a spirited three-year-old and a newborn safe and happy, stockpiling toilet paper and baby wipes, all while managing my daily “is this end times?!” panic attacks to really notice my hair.

I knew I’d lost some hair, and I think I recall being a bit distressed. (I mean, I’m distressed now just from looking back at those photos). But I’m thinking it paled in comparison to my distress over telling my older son he would never go back to daycare, couldn’t play at the park anymore (remember when those were deemed unsafe?!), and had to wish his beloved grandpa a happy birthday through the car window.

Photo: Courtesy of Natalie Stechyson

My hair was falling out at alarming rates, but maybe that seemed small compared to watching my sweet, perfect, new baby boy spend the first four months of his life trapped in the house instead of being passed around in the loving arms of his extended family. I don’t remember when I stopped being able to put my hair in a bun, but I do remember how scared my husband and I were that time he had a sore throat and went to line up for a COVID test; how he was turned away for not meeting the testing criteria; how he changed his clothes in the garage afterward, doused himself in hand sanitizer and had a scalding hot shower before he went near our children again.

I think, in order to survive and move forward, many of us have repressed some of our more traumatizing memories from the early days of the pandemic. My repressed memories just also happen to include losing so much hair that in May 2020 I looked like Danny Devito.

But it’s all there in my iPhone pics, forcing me to face the truth: It was unpleasant, it was life, and it happened.

Here’s what I do remember vividly: my staggering confidence that cutting my own bangs would fix everything. It was January 2021, my son and the pandemic were both almost a year old, and my hair had grown back in angry spikes. Now I had an electrocuted lion’s mane, and with the newborn haze well behind me, I was acutely aware of my appearance. Hair salons were still closed, Ben had just spent his first Christmas in another lockdown, and I was entirely out of fucks to give.

I reasoned that I basically already had bangs growing on their own, and if I messed up, well, who was going to see me, anyway? Pandemic for the win! No regrets!

Photo: Courtesy of Natalie Stechyson

I had immediate regrets. Not only had I angered the spikes, but I had emboldened them with reinforcements. Now I had a shelf of hair shards pointing in every direction, and no scrunchie could contain them. It took a year of bobby pins and drinking at night to get past it.

But here I am now, in summer 2022, and both my life and my appearance feel much more manageable. I cut back my drinking, took up jogging, went back to work, and all of us except Ben are fully vaccinated (can we hurry this up, Health Canada?). And my hair? Well, other than the fact that I’ve been wearing it in a mom bun for so long that I possess a work scrunchie, exercise scrunchie, and dress scrunchie, I think it looks decent. I can tuck the remnants of my regret-bangs behind my ears now, and these days, when I take a selfie, I see a strong woman who survived a second kid, a move to a new city, a new job, every spirit day my son’s kindergarten could throw at me, innumerable bouts of daycare gastro, the return of high-waisted jeans, and a freaking plague.

And then I immediately delete the photo of myself so I have space for 219 pics and three videos of my boys pulling a wagon.

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13 ways to help a gassy baby (including a TikTok hack we’d never seen)

Trapped gas can make your baby (and you!) absolutely miserable. If your little one is fussy or cries a lot, or you see them arching their back or pulling their legs up and down, you may be dealing with some tooty troubles. While it’s sometimes just the product of an underdeveloped digestive system, it doesn’t help if your baby is swallowing a lot of air while feeding, and sometimes a gassy tummy is the result of a sensitivity to certain foods or formulas.

Luckily, frazzled parents have tested plenty of remedies to relieve gassy babies, ranging from paediatrician-approved to a little less proven but perhaps still worth a try. These tips will hopefully help your backed-up babe pass a whole lot of gas in no time.

1. Try a gentler feed

If you have overabundant breastmilk and a strong letdown, which normally settles after a little while, you can try manually expressing some milk before each feed. This way, your baby isn’t given tons of milk right off the bat, which can cause them to gulp for air. If you’re using a bottle, try paced bottle feeding, which mimics the breastfeeding experience by letting your baby control the flow of milk so they take in less air and avoid overfeeding. 

2. Burp your baby (and burp them again)

One way to relieve your baby’s gas problem is to make sure the gas never starts building up in the first place. You can do this by being mindful about burping your baby after every meal, even if that means waking them up after they’ve dozed off. Burping a baby twice can also be a good idea to get all the gas out—one time mid-meal and once afterwards. One cool baby burping trick is to sit them upright on your knee while supporting their head to just let the burps flow (you can find a simple how-to here). 

3. Give your baby tummy massages

Gently massaging your baby’s tummy throughout the day can help to move things along in their bodies—just be sure to wait at least 30 minutes after a feed and pay attention to their responses to know if what you’re doing has worked or if you need to lessen the pressure. You can try specific techniques, such as rubbing clockwise (the direction the digestive system works in), and some parents swear by baby massage oils that contain ingredients like chamomile.

4. Lean into tummy time

Not only is tummy time essential for a baby’s development, helping to build their core strength and head control, but it can also help them with stubborn gas much like a tummy massage would. Being active is a great way to encourage gas to pass through their little bodies. Here are 8 fun tummy time activities to try.

5. Do the colic carry

Holding your baby with their tummy across your arm or lap while massaging their back is also known to soothe their discomfort. While it’s usually used for colicky babies, it can help relieve gassiness, too.

6. Give gripe water a go

Although there’s no scientific evidence to back the use of gripe water, a liquid supplement which usually consists of sugar water and herbs, some parents still swear by it. Doctors caution that using it can give parents a false sense of security (and it does go against the World Health Organization’s recommendation that newborns up to 6 months be given only breastmilk or formula), but it won’t hurt to try.

7. Consider baby gas drops 

Like gripe water, there is little evidence that gas drops work consistently, but many parents still believe that they are effective. Unlike gripe water, they contain the drug simethicone, which is safe for infants and said to combine small gas bubbles into larger ones that can be passed more easily.

8. Try a baby probiotic

Although there’s no great evidence that probiotics help gassiness in babies, paediatrician Dr. Dina Kulik said she saw improvement in 50 percent of babies who took them. Heads up though, some parents say that probiotics made the problem worse.

9. Get to know Windi the Gaspasser

A single-use tube that’s touted as a natural reliever for constipation, colic, and other gas-related problems, Windi the Gaspasser will appeal to parents who are looking for an instant solution to their baby’s gas. Similar to the method of swirling a rectal thermometer to relieve gas, the Windi is a soft, hollow, pliable tube that is inserted into your baby’s bottom and reaches past the muscle that prevents the release of gas (but don’t worry, it also includes a stopper to prevent it from going in too far).

10. Change up your formula feeding

The type of formula you feed your baby as well as how you give it can both impact their gassiness. You can try different formulas to find the one that best agrees with your baby’s stomach. And because air bubbles form after powdered formula is shaken up, it’s a good idea to let the formula settle before feeding your babe.

11. Reconsider baby (and mom’s) diet

In most cases, elimination diets for moms (cutting out gassy foods in the mother’s diet) don’t help a baby’s gas. But if your gassy baby has already started solids, limiting their intake of gassy foods can help prevent a gassy backup. It’s also important to watch out for accompanying symptoms like low weight gain, diarrhea or skin rashes, which could indicate a milk protein allergy.

12. Bicycle your baby’s legs

Along the same lines as tummy time or the colic carry, gently holding a baby’s legs and pulling them in and out in a bicycling motion can solve the problem mechanically by making the gas move through their bowels. You can sporadically push both legs into their tummy, slowly but firmly, and the farts should fly.

13. Try this foot massage trick

While it’s not clear how a foot massage might alleviate gas, you only need to turn your volume up on this Instagram video to see that it works. Whether it’s because different areas of the foot are connected to different organs, or because it’s just relaxing, it could be worth trying on a gassy baby.

 

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It’s always best to check with your doctor before trying a new treatment or supplement, or switching formulas. If your baby seems to be having an allergic reaction, is constipated or is refusing to eat and losing or failing to gain weight, check with your doctor to rule out other conditions that could be causing the gas.

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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer lyrics

Recorded by artists of all music genres including Bing Crosby, Dolly Parton, Destiny’s Child and Alvin and the Chipmunks, there is still no greater version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer than the one sung by your own child.

Written by Johnny Marks and originally made famous by Gene Autry in 1949, this classic Christmas song was based on a book by the same name. One of the all-time classic Christmas books, the story was created by Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward department store in 1939 (they handed the book out as a freebie to kids!). The iconic stop-motion animation followed later, in 1964.

All to say, the reindeer outcast with the nose like a lightbulb has been a smash hit with children for decades—you probably remember singing it as a kid yourself. To help you carry on the tradition and teach this iconic song to the next generation, we’ve got you covered below with the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer lyrics. (Or maybe you just need a refresher yourself?)

So pop on your favourite recording for Christmas karaoke with the kids, or sing along as you do some holiday baking or make festive crafts. Belting out holiday tunes is an excellent way to get in the spirit of the season and teach your kids that there’s more to Christmas than presents.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glowed.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee:
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you’ll go down in history!”

Used with permission of St. Nicholas Music Inc.

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