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Sleep training is a gift I gave my kids

Just over 11 years ago, I began parenting my first child. I was the first of my siblings and my friend group to have a baby. This was Missouri in 2011. Attachment parenting, gentle parenting and bedsharing all existed, but they hadn’t made it to the Midwest, or at least not into my baby-free world. So I did everything the way my mom had done it, with a few tricks I learned from second-hand parenting books thrown in for good measure. I bought a playpen. I breastfed because I was poor, not because I had strong feelings about breast being “best.” And as soon as my baby was six months old, we started sleep training. We did it with common sense—by setting timers, checking in with soothing reassurances and starting her on solid foods—but by “sleep training,” I mean we let her cry it out. Like the books promised us, the process lasted less than four nights. And after that, my daughter became a sleeping pro.

By the time I had my second child two years later, “crunchy” parenting had arrived in the Midwest, or, at least, the controversy had arrived. Sleep training, along with bottle vs. breast and whether to vaccinate, had become a question of identity. But while parents everywhere channelled their latent aggression into the “mommy wars,” I ignored the evidence being slung by both sides and quietly sleep-trained my six-month-old in the same way I had my first.

Two years later, when we had our third and final baby, the mommy wars were over. Cosleeping attachment parents who responded to their babies’ and toddlers’ every nightly cry, usually by taking them to their own beds, had won. Boomers might not have liked it or ever understood it, but it made breastfeeding easier and certainly seemed like the most loving way to raise your kid. Still, once again, even more quietly this time, we sleep-trained our baby. I can’t even remember how many nights it took, but before long, my husband and I, our four-year-old, our two-year-old and our six-month-old were sleeping through the night in our own beds and waking up well-rested the following morning.

As parents of three small kids, my husband and I were still remarkably tired, but it was nothing like the zombie-level I-may-not-be-safe-to-drive exhaustion our peers were reporting. Still, as great as it was to get uninterrupted overnight sleep with babies and toddlers in the house, seven years later, I see an even more important benefit of our sleep training: Our kids—now 11, 9 and 7 years old—still sleep better than their peers.

For the last few years, the conversation around sleep training, cosleeping, responsive nighttime parenting and bed-sharing has revolved chiefly around SIDS (all camps can find a study that backs their play) and the emotional ramifications of each choice. Do you want your toddler to learn the skill of interdependence? Respond to them throughout the night. Do you want them to have a secure attachment style? Bed-share.

But for me, these conversations are missing what is perhaps one of the most important ways our children are affected by how we approach their relationship with sleep, which is their relationship with sleep. When it comes to a person’s physical and emotional health, good sleep hygiene is right up there with a balanced diet and regular exercise. So, why are we talking about the process of teaching our kids to sleep like it’s an opportunity for us to foster desirable personality traits within them rather than as a crucial life skill?

I don’t brag, judge or evangelize, but I still feel defensive when people characterize sleep training as cruel. For our family, it was, and remains, a positive experience. I look at the choice I made to sleep-train my kids as a gift that I gave them. Critics of cry-it-out sleep training argue that it causes short- and long-term issues ranging from anxiety to unhealthy attachment styles, but there are two sides to the story and no way of seeing into the future. While my kids are still too young to say whether my gift of sleep training scarred them for life, at this point, they are thriving. But who knows? Maybe that won’t hold either.

Between social media and the all-too-human urge to be the best at everything we do, it often feels like guilt defines this generation of parents, and it’s hurting all of us. This is why I refuse to feel guilty for doing everything in my power to give my children a lifetime of falling asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

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Labial fusion isn’t the bizarre medical anomaly you might think

“Unique.” It’s not the word you want to hear as a doctor examines your two-year-old daughter’s vagina. Especially when you have no context. Especially when you hadn’t noticed anything “unique” about it yourself. But that was the word used by the on-call physician as he stumbled over my daughter’s symptoms. Eventually, he spit out a more descriptive term, labial adhesion.

My daughter had repeatedly expressed that her “gyna hurt” over the course of the day. My first instinct was a bladder infection, a hypothesis backed by a Google search. But we had been to the beach that week, too—maybe she had some irritation from the sand? Labial adhesion definitely hadn’t come up in my search. In fact, in 33 years of having my very own vulva, it wasn’t even something I had heard of. 

The doctor pulled apart the outer lips of my two-year-old’s vagina, and revealed a full fusion of her labia. My heart sank. “Isn’t that where the opening to her cervix is supposed to be?” He nodded. “But it’s not there,” I said. “There isn’t a hole where her cervix is supposed to be.”  

Having been born in the midst of the pandemic, most of my daughter’s doctor appointments were virtual. Was it possible her fusion was missed? And if it had been, was her anatomy fully developed? Did she have a uterus? Would she be able to have children one day? Could she be intimate as an adult? My mind spiraled through every possible “what if.” Augmenting those concerns was a hand-drawn diagram of a vulva and an urgent pelvic ultrasound requisition provided by the on-call doctor. 

I hardly slept that night. I hardly slept the days afterward. It wasn’t until I met with our family doctor and spoke to Dr. Joana Dos Santos, staff medical urologist at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto—both of whom alleviated my worst fears—that I could finally feel some sense of relief. 

Here’s what I learned.

What is labial adhesion?

A fused labia, or labial adhesion, happens when the inner folds of the labia in the vulva (the part covering the urethra and vagina openings) stick together instead of remaining separate.

What causes the labia to fuse together?

Labial adhesion is not, in fact, a birth defect. “Although the cause is not completely known, the inner labia is thought to get fused due to the lack of estrogen in prepubertal girls,” says Dos Santos. Experts also believe that frequent irritation or inflammation, caused by things like diaper rash, poor hygiene or strongly perfumed soaps, may cause the labia to end up stuck together.

How common is labial adhesion and at what age does it occur?

Dos Santos called the condition “common,” noting that labial fusion is reported in up to five percent of girls before they reach puberty. The peak incidence of labial adhesion is between three and 23 months. 

Should you be worried if your child is diagnosed with fused labia?

Here’s the good news and what I wish I had known: the condition is relatively harmless. “Most cases are asymptomatic, accidentally found by caregivers or by a healthcare provider during a routine exam,” says Dos Santos. However, if the labial fusion is extensive, it may block the urinary stream and cause urinary tract infections, or in rare cases, difficulty urinating.  

What are the treatments for labial adhesion?

For most children with the condition, the adhesions are small and will separate on their own, something that often happens during puberty when estrogen surges occur. In the presence of symptoms, doctors can treat the adhesion with a topical steroid cream which separates the labia. However, in more severe cases like recurrent or complete fusions, surgery may be necessary.

After an exam by our family doctor, we know for sure that our daughter has complete fusion. And while she may, in a very rare case, require surgery, it’s been recommended we wait to see if her labia will separate over time.  

If your baby or child is experiencing gynecological issues or symptoms, it’s best to visit your doctor. But in the meantime, you can rest assured knowing that adhesions don’t cause any long-term issues and, more often than not, resolve on their own.

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Putting my baby in a helmet was the toughest decision of my life

With my first baby, I shared many of the same challenges as the other worried, overtired and overwhelmed new moms in our playgroup—breastfeeding struggles, sleep regressions and battles with diaper rash. But there was always one thing none of the other parents could relate to: my son’s plagiocephaly, a.k.a. flat head syndrome.

At my son’s two-month appointment, the paediatrician found a flat spot on the left side of his skull. There wasn’t anything wrong with his brain, thankfully, but his head was misshapen. She recommended that we roll up a receiving blanket and place it on the left side of his head while he was awake in the car seat or stroller so he would be forced to look right, letting the left side “pop out.”

I was confident we could fix the flat spot by the next appointment. My husband and I were vigilant about making sure the receiving blanket was in place at all times, but the spot on his head became flatter. At our three-month appointment, the doctor began discussing helmet therapy—called cranial orthosis—with us. Our son had a cranial deformity. I was shocked—truly in disbelief—because all I could see was a beautiful baby who was perfect in every way.

Our paediatrician’s son wore a helmet as a baby, so she didn’t sugar-coat the process. “It’s going to be tough,” she said. “But your son might thank you for his round head later in life.”

Except I was opposed to putting a helmet on my son and immediately said no to the idea. It seemed unnecessary and cruel—we would be confining our child’s head, and it looked uncomfortable.

I sat awake that night with thoughts of the helmet swimming through my head. Would my son feel insecure about the flat spot when he was older? Was the flat spot my fault? Why can’t my son talk so he could let me know what he prefers? Helmet or no helmet?

I decided to go through with helmet therapy because I feared my son would hold the flat spot against me when he was older.

A week later, we were sitting in a room at the Children’s Hospital in Oakland with the prosthetics specialist. He measured our baby’s head with a scanner and showed us how helmet therapy worked. The baby’s head is confined to the helmet, and in areas where it’s flat, the helmet allows space for it to grow.

We were handed a sheet of helmet themes and colours and encouraged to pick one. Was our four-month-old son a zoo animals kind of baby, a princess fan or a San Francisco Giants lover? The choices swirled chaotically through my brain. It felt like I was choosing an identity for my son, and he couldn’t even sit up yet! Overwhelmed, I handed the options to my husband. He chose the galaxy theme.

Ten days later we returned to the hospital to pick up the helmet and have it sized to my son’s head. My son squirmed as the specialist placed the helmet on him. I began to tear up as my baby began to whimper, while the specialist made adjustments, shaving the foam interior of the helmet. Afterwards, I was sent home with a fussy baby who clumsily touched his new headgear.

I followed the instructions, making my son wear the helmet for 23 hours a day with a measly one-hour break. When I took it off for the first time, his head was sweaty, his peach-fuzz hair matted to his head. More than anything in the world, I wanted my son to tell me how he felt in the helmet. Was he uncomfortable? In pain? Every time he cried or was unable to sleep, I blamed the helmet.

We had a standing appointment every two weeks to adjust the interior of the helmet. However, my son’s head was growing at a rapid pace. After a week, he began to have abrasions on parts of his head where the helmet rubbed against the skin. One night, my husband came home and our son was lying on the play mat—without the helmet.

“Where’s the helmet?” he asked.

“In the closet. I’m done,” I cried. “Look at the marks on his head!”

We had the first of many lengthy fights about the helmet. I always wanted to stop helmet therapy. My husband wanted to continue.

The helmet was also a non-stop discussion with my therapist. “Why don’t you just put your foot down and stop helmet therapy?” she continually inquired. I would cry, shaking my head. I didn’t have an answer.

It felt like everyone was telling me that helmet therapy would be beneficial for my son in the future, and because of my postpartum depression, I didn’t trust myself or my logic. I felt like I was walking in a fog with a broken compass. I relied on my husband’s guidance through those early stages of motherhood because I believed he had a better handle on reality than I did. So my son continued to wear the helmet.

At the time, we lived in a studio apartment in downtown Berkeley, and we rarely used our car. I walked everywhere with my son in a baby carrier, his helmet on full display. Some people pointed and stared while others laughed at my son, which, as you can imagine, made my blood boil. After a particularly bad sleepless night, I deliriously screamed at a group of high school students to stop gawking at my son. Not one of my finest moment as a mother—but I was really struggling.

I have to admit that while some gestures from strangers made me furious, others made me laugh. A group of older men who hung out in the park next to our apartment building would say things like “He’s ready to be drafted into the NFL,” or “Astronaut baby is ready to board the spaceship.”

The most unexpected thing about the helmet, other than the roller coaster of emotions, was the assumptions people made about the reasons my son wore it. Some thought it was for seizures, while others thought it was because my son liked to bang his head.

The most comforting thing was when mothers would come up to me and tell me that their child wore a helmet and how difficult the process was.

One mom in Trader Joe’s told me her daughter wore a helmet for eight months and that she felt my pain. I instantly broke down crying, holding a sack of Granny Smith apples with my son strapped to my chest. It was at that moment that I felt that my emotions tied to the helmet were justified. I was not alone.

After four emotional months, I ended my son’s helmet therapy. We could have continued, but I finally put my foot down. I was done with the adjustment appointments, the marks on his head and constantly wondering whether he was uncomfortable.

Helmet therapy didn’t make my son’s head entirely round, but it helped a great deal. Last month, I saw a baby in a helmet and told my now five-year-old son that at one point, he too wore a helmet. Almost instinctively, I touched the side of his head and tried to feel for what remained of the flat spot.

This story was originally published in September 2018.

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When do babies start walking?

Your baby learning to walk is an exciting milestone—they are, literally, taking steps toward a whole new way of life as a toddler (and a whole new way of life for you as a parent of a toddler!). And like many milestones, it comes with questions. Here’s what you need to know.

When do babies walk?

Parents often think babies should walk independently by 12 months, but anywhere between nine and 18 months is considered within the completely normal range, says Elizabeth Zahary, a paediatric physiotherapist in Edmonton.

Carl Cummings, a paediatrician in Montreal, agrees. “In my practice, the average age for walking alone is 13 or 14 months,” he says.

And don’t worry if your baby takes a few steps one day, but crawls again the next. There’s no perfect timeline between a baby’s first steps and walking independently.

“You need to have hundreds and hundreds of supported steps, holding someone’s hand or a piece of furniture, before you’re able to walk unsupported,” says Zahari. It can take several months.

How do babies learn to walk?

It requires strength, coordination and balance for babies to learn to walk, and these are complex skills that require lots of building blocks. Tummy time is an important piece here, says Zahary, because it helps babies extend and strengthen their core, arm and leg muscles. Practicing tummy time from birth will help them sit, crawl, cruise and, ultimately, stand.

Growth affects balance, too. “Babies are top-heavy, so their centre of gravity is just under their armpits as infants,” says Zahary. “As they grow, their centre of gravity moves to their hips and pelvis, which allows them to develop balance.”

Neuromotor skills (how the brain and body work together) need to develop as well so that your baby can coordinate taking their first steps. “When all those systems mature, they’ll be ready to walk,” says Zahary.

Another factor that can be pretty important is a child’s temperament, says Zahary. “Kids who are naturally more cautious tend to be a little slower to walk because they feel very safe crawling, and standing up makes them feel insecure,” she says.

Stages of learning how to walk 

A number of developmental milestones usually precede your baby’s first steps, including pulling to stand and cruising.

Pulling to stand:

Between nine and 11 months, your baby may start trying to pull their body up to a standing position by holding onto something, such as a sofa or crib.

Cruising:

From 10 to 12 months, your baby may start cruising, which means they will stand up and hold onto a piece of furniture while they take a few steps.

Standing and walking:

Between 12 and 14 months, they may start to squat down and stand back up again. At this point, they may take a step or two when you hold them upright and gradually (or quickly, depending on the kid!) start walking on their own.

How can I help my baby walk?

“The basic developmental mantra is ability and opportunity,” says Cummings. “They’re not going to walk until they have the ability, but they need the opportunity.” Hold their hands while they’re standing and give some loving encouragement.

You can encourage your baby to walk by  placing the furniture so that your baby can hold onto one piece and move to another without obstacles in the way, or by putting toys on the couch rather than on the floor so that they pull themselves up to standing.

Activity centres that encourage standing to play, such as water tables, play kitchens and workbenches, are another good idea, says Zahary. A push toy that allows them to hold on while they walk, such as a play cart or lawnmower, also helps kids who are close to walking on their own get the hang of it (just make sure it’s used under supervision and away from stairs!).

Should my baby use a walker?

Baby walkers that babies stand in and use their feet to push around have been banned in Canada since 2004 because they have led to many injuries. Plus, they don’t actually help babies learn to walk because they don’t allow them to practice all of the balance and strength skills they need for independent walking, say experts.

Should my baby wear shoes when learning to walk?

Shoes don’t help babies learn to walk, says Cummings. Rather, your baby can go barefoot or wear non-slip socks or slippers around the house. When you are outside and need to protect those sweet feet, choose footwear that’s the right size, with flexible rubber soles for proper support.

Signs my baby will walk soon

After mastering crawling and scooting (sliding around on their bottom), walking will soon follow. Once your baby begins pulling themselves up on furniture and taking a few steps, which is known as cruising, they are well on their way to taking their first solo steps. Other signs to watch for include better balance when your baby is standing, and walking confidently with a push toy.

Should I call the doctor if my baby is a late walker?

When it comes to baby milestones, it’s natural to compare your little one to other kids their age. But it’s a much better idea to check with your doctor, who can evaluate your child’s overall development, which includes gross and fine motor skills, language and socialization. It’s generally about context, says Cummings.

If your child is 12 months old and shows no interest in crawling or pulling themselves up, the doctor may want to investigate. On the other hand, if a child is 15 months old and not walking alone yet but has met other milestones for crawling and cruising, it’s usually not a cause for concern.

Your doctor may refer you to a physiotherapist, particularly if your baby is getting close to 18 months. The physiotherapist may check for a variety of things, including decreased flexibility on one side of the body, which could be a sign of orthopaedic or neurological issues. It could be something as simple as your child has a bigger-than-average head, which means it might take them a bit longer to find their balance.

“Every once in a while, I’ll see a child who raises some concerns, but mostly it’s about providing reassurance to parents and giving strategies to encourage movement,” says Zahary.

About our experts: Elizabeth Zahary is a paediatric physiotherapist at Summerside Children’s and Sport Physiotherapy in Edmonton. Carl Cummings is a Montreal-based paediatrician.

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Newborn sleep: 7 common mistakes new parents make

Newborn sleep: It’s one of the three main things you think about when you have a baby. (There’s sleep, there’s feedings, and there’s basic hygiene, as in, “How many days ago did I shower? Can I wear a sweatshirt with crusted spit-up on it to the paediatrician’s office? Answer: Yes.)

As you’re getting to know your newborn’s sleep needs and ever-changing patterns and rhythms—and adjusting to the new-parent sleep deprivation—you might feel overwhelmed by all the competing baby sleep philosophies in books and on blogs, the endless dos and don’ts, contradictory rules and scary safety warnings. Meanwhile, you’re still wondering how the heck to get your adorable little creature to sleep through the night. There are many ways to do it—it’s up to you to figure out what works—but there are some things you should avoid altogether. Here are seven common baby sleep mistakes you may be making.

1. Don’t assume the mellow, sleepy newborn phase will last forever.

We hate to break it to you, but your dozy, peaceful infant who simply falls asleep, milk-drunk, after a feeding may not always be this way. The first few weeks (or even months) are not always indicative of the kind of sleeper you happened to score in the newborn sleep lottery. Some babies randomly sleep through the night early on (congratulations!) but it doesn’t mean this will continue indefinitely. Have you weathered the four-month sleep regression yet? Yeah, you might want to read up on that. (Sorry.) And even though nursing to sleep or rocking to sleep before naps and bedtime might be working for you now, know that sometimes IT JUST STOPS WORKING. If you’re one of the lucky parents with a “unicorn baby” (this means your baby is sleeping well without much effort on your part), try not to gloat. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re doing it right, while that other mom with the colicky, sleepless baby hasn’t figured it out. Believe us, she’s trying.

2. Sleeping on the couch with a newborn in your arms is really dangerous.

We get it, falling asleep on the sofa with an infant curled up on your chest is one of the best feelings in the world. Many an exhausted new mom has nodded off for a bit while her sleeping baby is sprawled across her lap or nestled up all warm and cozy on a breastfeeding pillow. But according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), this kind of co-sleeping—on a couch or armchair—is a serious newborn sleep mistake. It’s way more dangerous than co-sleeping in a bed, due to the risk of dropping or smothering the baby. If you’re going to nap or sleep with your infant—doctors say not to, but they know many parents do it—opt for bed-sharing (and do it as safely as possible, with no blankets or pillows in the bed).

3. Don’t let your newborn sleep in the car seat.

This is a contentious one, because we’ve all been there: Your baby conks out in the car seat while you’re driving home or running errands, and the beauty of the bucket seat is that you can pop it out and transfer your sleeping infant inside for the remainder of her nap. But according to the AAP, allowing an infant to sleep in a bucket car seat that’s been placed on the floor or clicked into a stroller is a safety hazard, as the baby’s head can fall forward and cause something called positional asphyxiation. Due to the angle of the seat design, it’s much safer to let your newborn nap in the car seat while it’s attached to the base and installed in the car. Letting your baby sleep in a car seat overnight when you’re not awake enough to check on her is a serious baby sleep mistake. In fact, experts actually recommend limiting the time your baby spends in a car seat, bouncer or swing to 30 minutes, mostly for developmental reasons (it restricts motion) and the risk of developing positional plagiocephaly (aka flattened head syndrome). However, we’d like to acknowledge that this 30-minute maximum is downright impossible on road trips, for parents who have long work or daycare commutes, or when the swing is truly the only place you can get your infant to nap. We’d love to see more research on this recommendation.

4. Don’t buy those cute crib bumper sets you see on Instagram.

This one’s pretty easy to follow: Don’t use crib bumpers. They’ve actually been banned in the US, after years of doctors lobbying against them. Yes, some babies flail around a lot in their sleep, especially when they’re on the verge of learning to roll, crawl or walk. But they’re unlikely to seriously injure themselves by bumping their heads on a crib rail. While those “breathable” mesh bumpers do a good job of keeping soothers (and little hands and feet) from poking out of the crib slats, they are also not recommended due to the risk of entanglement and strangulation. (Also, word to the wise: older, more mobile babies can stand on bumpers and use them as a step when they’re trying to monkey their way of the crib.) And while we’re at it, you shouldn’t use a DockATot or “infant lounger” for unsupervised sleep inside (or outside) the crib, either. They’re technically no longer available in Canada, but similar products are still on the market.

5. Don’t put off sleep training because the baby is teething.

Newsflash: Your baby is always teething. Or sick with a cold. Or coming down with something. Or recovering from something. Or over-tired. Or suffering from Unexplained Fussy Baby Syndrome. (OK, we made that one up. But it’s kinda true.) If you intend to sleep train, it’s important to know that it may never feel like the right time. Experts say it’s easiest to sleep train a baby between the ages of six and 12 months, but use your judgment and listen to your gut. If you’re not fully committed to sleep training before you start, you won’t stick to it.

6. Don’t room-share beyond six months if it’s not working for you.

This is a tricky one. Experts have gone back and forth about how long a baby should share a bedroom with their parents. Most recently, in the summer of 2022, the AAP recommended room-sharing for at least six months, but ideally a full year.

But let’s be real: Many parents’ bedrooms only fit a bassinet (not a full crib), and most babies outgrow the bassinet (or start rolling or pulling up on the sides) by month four, five or six. Some babies will wake up in the night more frequently if they hear or smell their parents nearby and will sleep more soundly in their own room. It’s also pretty hard to teach independent sleep or do the cry-it-out method of sleep training if your baby is right next to you.

And let’s not discount mom and dad’s sleep. Many parents say they don’t sleep as well when their baby is in their room, because they wake up with every little grunt, snore or fart the baby makes.

If room-sharing is working for you, great—but don’t feel pressured into it beyond six months.

7. Don’t let a high-tech baby monitor make you feel over-confident (or overly anxious).

Baby monitors are super useful, but they’re no substitute for avoiding baby sleep mistakes. If you hear your baby stirring, a quick peek at a video monitor can tell you if it’s a full-fledged wakeup, or just some nothing-to-see-here squirming. Sometimes you can get back to your Netflix without opening the nursery door, or quickly pop a paci back in before the situation escalates. But some parents are taking the high-tech baby monitor trend to the extreme, buying wearable vital-sign devices that measure an infant’s heart rate and oxygen saturation levels. The AAP advises against using these kinds of cardiorespiratory monitors, as well as the sensors that go under the baby’s mattress, because they can cause false alarms, which make parents anxious and lead to unnecessary ER visits and tests. They can also make parents less focussed on safe sleep practices because they believe the device will alert them to any and all problems.  You still need to follow safe sleep guidelines: always put your baby into the crib on their back (not their side or her tummy); keep blankets and pillows out of the crib; and stop swaddling once your baby has learned how to roll.

This article was originally published in January 2017 and has since been updated.

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8 fun games to play with your baby

In the early weeks, enjoying your newborn consists mostly of gazing at her while she sleeps or nurses (since that’s what she spends almost all of her time doing!). But before long, she becomes more wakeful and interested in the world around her—and you’ve got some entertaining to do. “Babies need a variety of experiences,” explains Jan Blaxall, an early years specialist and trainer in London, Ont. “And the key ingredient in their play is one-on-one attention from you.” Here are some fun ideas to get you started with baby games.

1. Splish, splash

Water has such a joyful, relaxing effect on children — feel free to take advantage any time of the day. Your baby can go right in the tub (with you, if you’d like!) as you use your hands, sponges and funnels to splash water on different parts of his body. When your baby can sit up, spread a vinyl tablecloth on the floor and set out a shallow pan of water with lots of cups, sponges, spoons and maybe his own baby to wash. (Even with small amounts of water, never leave your child unattended during water play—not even for a second.)

2. Shake, rattle and roll

Fill empty water bottles with interesting things — rice, buttons, Jell-O, water mixed with liquid soap, food colouring or oil. (Be sure lids are tightly secured with packing tape and that your child can’t chew through the bottle.) Crawlers will love chasing after a two-litre pop bottle half-filled with coloured water, as it rolls along the floor.

3. Outdoor adventures

Some days it may seem like a lot of effort just to get outside, but don’t underestimate the positive effect a little fresh air has on your baby—and you. “When you get out of the house, you stop thinking about all the jobs that need to be done, and become more attuned to your baby,” Blaxall says. Lift your baby out of the stroller, pull a leaf off a tree and let him feel it. Put his hand on the tree trunk. If the area is clean, put him on the grass and let him feel around. Doing this gives babies a sense of what their world is made of, instead of just what they see, Blaxall explains. Provide narration for your days, naming the things you see and hear (“Oh look, there’s a car. Vroom, vroom!”) so your baby starts to pick up words and connect them to objects.

4. Rock and roll

Your big exercise ball doesn’t have to collect dust until you get back into workout mode. Use the ball for all your baby’s stages — it’s a soft, bouncy place for you to sit while holding her (you get a little light ab work at the same time). Or use the ball for your baby’s tummy time. Hold her securely on top of the ball with both your hands and roll her very slightly in different directions. Once your baby’s on the move, she’ll love pushing this huge ball around on the floor and chasing after it.

5. Peekaboo 2.0

Covering your face with your hands, then letting go with an enthusiastic “Peekaboo!” will entertain baby well into her toddler years. Babies love to be surprised as they learn that things they can’t see still exist, so shake up your baby games by ducking down and reappearing with a hat on, or a funny face. Cover a toy with a blanket and ask your baby, “Where’d it go?” Crawlers will adore early games of hide-and-seek, with you popping out from unexpected places as they explore hallways and bedrooms.

6. High (chair) art

Once your baby can sit comfortably in her high chair, try placing safe, edible play materials on her tray (not that she should eat them, but if some gets in her mouth, it’s OK!). Let her explore homemade fingerpaint, or playdough made with ingredients from your cupboard, or simply put blobs of thick pudding or Jell-O on the tray so she can slide her hands around in mess-making bliss.

7. Tuesday a.m. dance party

Who says that babies only need lullabies and Mozart? Shake up your musical menu and have a little dance party à deux. “Different beats, different jargon, different flavours of music all stimulate different parts of the brain,” as well as helping your baby develop language and social skills, Blaxall explains. Besides, it’s fun! And whether it’s a rattle or a margarine tub-turned-drum, have instruments on hand so you can both take active roles in the fun.

8. Under cover

Fort fun starts young! Put a big blanket over a table and sit underneath with your young baby on your lap and a few special toys for a new perspective on the world. Roll a ball out of your fort, and then find out where it went. “Even young babies can’t just sit all the time,” Blaxall says. “Change up their position — on their tummy, upright in your arms, on your lap, over your shoulder, facing outward.” As your child grows, let him crawl up on piles of pillows, and create paths and tunnels with big boxes and couch cushions.

To make the fun even more meaningful for your little one:

Show her you’re impressed

Your baby reaches for the toy you’re holding slightly above her. She swings her fist, grabs for it and — hurray! — she makes contact. Naturally, you lavish her with praise. And new research shows that your enthusiasm is doing more than just bringing a smile to her face. “Babies need that social cheering section, people noticing and getting excited about what they’re doing. It’s wiring the brain for both relationships and learning,” Blaxall says.

Take turns

Whether it’s shaking a rattle (try doing it fast one time, slow the next) or talking about your day, give your child time to respond or imitate the action back to you. By doing so, you’re creating the sense of a meaningful partnership, according to Blaxall, where the child gets to be the leader and the follower.

Mix it up

“The best baby activities are multidimensional,” explains Blaxall. “Engage lots of senses — play music and have interesting things to touch and explore, and combine that with movement and with language.”

When to take a break

You want to excite babies enough with baby games to rev their engines, but not overwhelm them — so it’s important to recognize the cues that they’re not keen on your game of choice, or have had enough. “Babies who are overstimulated either shut their eyes or look away,” says Blaxall. Your baby will resort to crying if you miss that important sign. The key is to be fully engaged in the play, making lots of eye contact so you’re aware of your baby’s changing reactions.

This story was originally published in September 2010.

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All I see in these selfies is my postpartum hair loss

I recently went through my phone to delete old photos, which is something I do every few weeks now since apparently hanging onto 11,357 live images of my children uses up so much storage space that I can no longer receive texts or phone calls⁠—or, more importantly, take 300 photos of my children at the trampoline park.

This time I decided to do a deep dive of my selfies, figuring I could do without a few hundred pics of myself working with my kids in the background, or showing my sister that weird patch of eczema I get under my eye or trying to determine if my new “mom jeans” are trendy or a crime against humanity (or both?).

But as I scrolled through pics I’d taken of myself all the way back to 2020, I noticed something…unsettling.

I was missing some hair. A bunch of it. In fact, if I’m being perfectly honest, from about April 2020—six weeks after my second son was born—to Christmas that year, I had a receding hairline not dissimilar to that of former teen heartthrob and current middle-aged dad Prince William. And in the exact same way I had been shocked by William’s transformation, the hair loss (and subsequent awkward regrowth) snuck up on me so gradually, and during such a chaotic time, that I didn’t pay much attention.

Photos: Courtesy of Natalie Stechyson

Parenthood: It’ll suck the youth right out of you. Wills knows what I’m talking about.

Postpartum hair loss, also known as postpartum telogen effluvium, is the shedding of hair after pregnancy and giving birth due to changes in hormone levels. It is normal (albeit shitty) and usually temporary. For many, the hair loss is minor. But for some, it can be moderate or severe (enough that some people choose to wear a wig).

After my first son was born in 2016, I remember being appalled by my shedding strands, receding hairline, extreme part and wee bald spot. So I knew what to expect with my second, and enjoyed every moment of my luxurious pregnancy hair while I still had it.

But barely three weeks after I birthed Ben, coronavirus was declared a global pandemic and forced the world into its first lockdown. And I guess I was just too busy keeping a spirited three-year-old and a newborn safe and happy, stockpiling toilet paper and baby wipes, all while managing my daily “is this end times?!” panic attacks to really notice my hair.

I knew I’d lost some hair, and I think I recall being a bit distressed. (I mean, I’m distressed now just from looking back at those photos). But I’m thinking it paled in comparison to my distress over telling my older son he would never go back to daycare, couldn’t play at the park anymore (remember when those were deemed unsafe?!), and had to wish his beloved grandpa a happy birthday through the car window.

Photo: Courtesy of Natalie Stechyson

My hair was falling out at alarming rates, but maybe that seemed small compared to watching my sweet, perfect, new baby boy spend the first four months of his life trapped in the house instead of being passed around in the loving arms of his extended family. I don’t remember when I stopped being able to put my hair in a bun, but I do remember how scared my husband and I were that time he had a sore throat and went to line up for a COVID test; how he was turned away for not meeting the testing criteria; how he changed his clothes in the garage afterward, doused himself in hand sanitizer and had a scalding hot shower before he went near our children again.

I think, in order to survive and move forward, many of us have repressed some of our more traumatizing memories from the early days of the pandemic. My repressed memories just also happen to include losing so much hair that in May 2020 I looked like Danny Devito.

But it’s all there in my iPhone pics, forcing me to face the truth: It was unpleasant, it was life, and it happened.

Here’s what I do remember vividly: my staggering confidence that cutting my own bangs would fix everything. It was January 2021, my son and the pandemic were both almost a year old, and my hair had grown back in angry spikes. Now I had an electrocuted lion’s mane, and with the newborn haze well behind me, I was acutely aware of my appearance. Hair salons were still closed, Ben had just spent his first Christmas in another lockdown, and I was entirely out of fucks to give.

I reasoned that I basically already had bangs growing on their own, and if I messed up, well, who was going to see me, anyway? Pandemic for the win! No regrets!

Photo: Courtesy of Natalie Stechyson

I had immediate regrets. Not only had I angered the spikes, but I had emboldened them with reinforcements. Now I had a shelf of hair shards pointing in every direction, and no scrunchie could contain them. It took a year of bobby pins and drinking at night to get past it.

But here I am now, in summer 2022, and both my life and my appearance feel much more manageable. I cut back my drinking, took up jogging, went back to work, and all of us except Ben are fully vaccinated (can we hurry this up, Health Canada?). And my hair? Well, other than the fact that I’ve been wearing it in a mom bun for so long that I possess a work scrunchie, exercise scrunchie, and dress scrunchie, I think it looks decent. I can tuck the remnants of my regret-bangs behind my ears now, and these days, when I take a selfie, I see a strong woman who survived a second kid, a move to a new city, a new job, every spirit day my son’s kindergarten could throw at me, innumerable bouts of daycare gastro, the return of high-waisted jeans, and a freaking plague.

And then I immediately delete the photo of myself so I have space for 219 pics and three videos of my boys pulling a wagon.

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13 ways to help a gassy baby (including a TikTok hack we’d never seen)

Trapped gas can make your baby (and you!) absolutely miserable. If your little one is fussy or cries a lot, or you see them arching their back or pulling their legs up and down, you may be dealing with some tooty troubles. While it’s sometimes just the product of an underdeveloped digestive system, it doesn’t help if your baby is swallowing a lot of air while feeding, and sometimes a gassy tummy is the result of a sensitivity to certain foods or formulas.

Luckily, frazzled parents have tested plenty of remedies to relieve gassy babies, ranging from paediatrician-approved to a little less proven but perhaps still worth a try. These tips will hopefully help your backed-up babe pass a whole lot of gas in no time.

1. Try a gentler feed

If you have overabundant breastmilk and a strong letdown, which normally settles after a little while, you can try manually expressing some milk before each feed. This way, your baby isn’t given tons of milk right off the bat, which can cause them to gulp for air. If you’re using a bottle, try paced bottle feeding, which mimics the breastfeeding experience by letting your baby control the flow of milk so they take in less air and avoid overfeeding. 

2. Burp your baby (and burp them again)

One way to relieve your baby’s gas problem is to make sure the gas never starts building up in the first place. You can do this by being mindful about burping your baby after every meal, even if that means waking them up after they’ve dozed off. Burping a baby twice can also be a good idea to get all the gas out—one time mid-meal and once afterwards. One cool baby burping trick is to sit them upright on your knee while supporting their head to just let the burps flow (you can find a simple how-to here). 

3. Give your baby tummy massages

Gently massaging your baby’s tummy throughout the day can help to move things along in their bodies—just be sure to wait at least 30 minutes after a feed and pay attention to their responses to know if what you’re doing has worked or if you need to lessen the pressure. You can try specific techniques, such as rubbing clockwise (the direction the digestive system works in), and some parents swear by baby massage oils that contain ingredients like chamomile.

4. Lean into tummy time

Not only is tummy time essential for a baby’s development, helping to build their core strength and head control, but it can also help them with stubborn gas much like a tummy massage would. Being active is a great way to encourage gas to pass through their little bodies. Here are 8 fun tummy time activities to try.

5. Do the colic carry

Holding your baby with their tummy across your arm or lap while massaging their back is also known to soothe their discomfort. While it’s usually used for colicky babies, it can help relieve gassiness, too.

6. Give gripe water a go

Although there’s no scientific evidence to back the use of gripe water, a liquid supplement which usually consists of sugar water and herbs, some parents still swear by it. Doctors caution that using it can give parents a false sense of security (and it does go against the World Health Organization’s recommendation that newborns up to 6 months be given only breastmilk or formula), but it won’t hurt to try.

7. Consider baby gas drops 

Like gripe water, there is little evidence that gas drops work consistently, but many parents still believe that they are effective. Unlike gripe water, they contain the drug simethicone, which is safe for infants and said to combine small gas bubbles into larger ones that can be passed more easily.

8. Try a baby probiotic

Although there’s no great evidence that probiotics help gassiness in babies, paediatrician Dr. Dina Kulik said she saw improvement in 50 percent of babies who took them. Heads up though, some parents say that probiotics made the problem worse.

9. Get to know Windi the Gaspasser

A single-use tube that’s touted as a natural reliever for constipation, colic, and other gas-related problems, Windi the Gaspasser will appeal to parents who are looking for an instant solution to their baby’s gas. Similar to the method of swirling a rectal thermometer to relieve gas, the Windi is a soft, hollow, pliable tube that is inserted into your baby’s bottom and reaches past the muscle that prevents the release of gas (but don’t worry, it also includes a stopper to prevent it from going in too far).

10. Change up your formula feeding

The type of formula you feed your baby as well as how you give it can both impact their gassiness. You can try different formulas to find the one that best agrees with your baby’s stomach. And because air bubbles form after powdered formula is shaken up, it’s a good idea to let the formula settle before feeding your babe.

11. Reconsider baby (and mom’s) diet

In most cases, elimination diets for moms (cutting out gassy foods in the mother’s diet) don’t help a baby’s gas. But if your gassy baby has already started solids, limiting their intake of gassy foods can help prevent a gassy backup. It’s also important to watch out for accompanying symptoms like low weight gain, diarrhea or skin rashes, which could indicate a milk protein allergy.

12. Bicycle your baby’s legs

Along the same lines as tummy time or the colic carry, gently holding a baby’s legs and pulling them in and out in a bicycling motion can solve the problem mechanically by making the gas move through their bowels. You can sporadically push both legs into their tummy, slowly but firmly, and the farts should fly.

13. Try this foot massage trick

While it’s not clear how a foot massage might alleviate gas, you only need to turn your volume up on this Instagram video to see that it works. Whether it’s because different areas of the foot are connected to different organs, or because it’s just relaxing, it could be worth trying on a gassy baby.

 

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It’s always best to check with your doctor before trying a new treatment or supplement, or switching formulas. If your baby seems to be having an allergic reaction, is constipated or is refusing to eat and losing or failing to gain weight, check with your doctor to rule out other conditions that could be causing the gas.

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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer lyrics

Recorded by artists of all music genres including Bing Crosby, Dolly Parton, Destiny’s Child and Alvin and the Chipmunks, there is still no greater version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer than the one sung by your own child.

Written by Johnny Marks and originally made famous by Gene Autry in 1949, this classic Christmas song was based on a book by the same name. One of the all-time classic Christmas books, the story was created by Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward department store in 1939 (they handed the book out as a freebie to kids!). The iconic stop-motion animation followed later, in 1964.

All to say, the reindeer outcast with the nose like a lightbulb has been a smash hit with children for decades—you probably remember singing it as a kid yourself. To help you carry on the tradition and teach this iconic song to the next generation, we’ve got you covered below with the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer lyrics. (Or maybe you just need a refresher yourself?)

So pop on your favourite recording for Christmas karaoke with the kids, or sing along as you do some holiday baking or make festive crafts. Belting out holiday tunes is an excellent way to get in the spirit of the season and teach your kids that there’s more to Christmas than presents.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glowed.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee:
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you’ll go down in history!”

Used with permission of St. Nicholas Music Inc.

The post Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer lyrics appeared first on Today’s Parent.

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